Why are we here?

I'm struggling today, because what I know I should do and what I want to do are not the same. You see, I have a drive to be at the top, an obsession with the limelight. I like to be noticed, to be special, but sometimes that's just not the best way to go.

I'm supposed to have my interview tomorrow for the lead position at work and I need to pull my name out of the pool, which has been a tough choice for me.  Both Jason and I have realized that me working more than a couple days a week is really hard on family life. On one hand, it's nice to realize that I do play a crucial role in this family and that just because I'm not bringing in a bunch of money doesn't mean that my contribution isn't valuable. But on the other hand, it's frustrating because I know that I could do well with WDS. I've been their top seller since the day I started and really enjoy what I do. The kids will only be little once, though, and I have a lifetime to work. In three years, Gabby and James will both be in school full-time and I will be able to work to my heart's content :-).

I think I may just have realized what it is about my job that is such a relief for me. At work, I have a start time and an end time. I have numbers the next day that tell me how well or how poorly I did my job and when the dishes are done, I don't have to do them again until the next day :-). At home, my "job description" isn't nearly as clear, the dishes never stay done and I don't get a report the next day letting me know whether or not I'm doing things right. So while I'm looking forward to having more time for cakes, play dates at the park, Bible studies and time with Jason, I'm sad to cut back on the instant feedback and structure that a job has been providing for me, not to mention the break from the monotony of day to day life.

Pics of the kids

Our little gymnast, watching tv :-)

James, feeling jealous that I took a picture of Gabby, wanted to do something so that I would take a picture of him too. Since he's sick, however, this is about as far as he got, poor guy :(

My first paid cake order!!!

After a week of tossing and turning, stressing, worrying and wondering why the heck I ever thought it was a good idea to take money for a hobby, I have finished it and all is well with the world again :-). The cake itself was pretty easy to do. My emotional roller coaster was more challenging, but it's done now :-). The cake is a 3 layer, 8" round dark chocolate cake with mocha buttercream filling, covered in ganache with colored candy melt decorations. And yes, I will take money for my hobby again ;-). I just wish I was closer to all of you so I could make all of your fun cakes.

Monday morning musings

The kids and I got to see Katie last night! YAY! We had a great time. Jason brought the kids to my work at the end of my shift and the kids and I drove up to Sacramento, where Katie is staying a couple nights for work training. Katie had bought some sandwiches and we had a little picnic in the park. The kids were a little disappointed because there was no play structure at this park :(. Once James found the firefighter memorial though, he thought it was pretty cool. We also walked through the Vietnam memorial they had in Capital park. Needless to say, James was FULL of questions, but Katie was there to answer most of them, so I didn't have to strain my brain too much :-). Unfortunately, I have no pictures. I always forget my camera wherever I go, so this time I put it in my purse...and forgot my purse when Jason and I swapped cars. Katie took a couple before her battery died, so when she emails them to me, I'll post them.

I've been working for a month now and the jury is still out as to how great of a situation this is :-). Ironically, I find working to be easier for me than it was to stay home 24 7. Jason on the other hand seems to be getting pretty tired. He told me yesterday that he didn't know how I did this (stay home) every day and I said: "Why do you think I'm so happy to be working!" hehe. In all honestly though, as is the case with pretty much everything, there are good days and bad. My job is not nearly as rosy as it first seemed, but all in all, it's not bad. I just have to remind myself that it's just a job, a means to an end, not a career because otherwise the chaos and disorganization, not to mention the illegal practices (having us work off the clock for one) would drive me crazy. The lead position I was offered has been put on hold. My boss' boss said they have to interview everyone interested in the position, so there are now about 10 applicants for the position and it sounds like it's Adrienne's choice, not Freda, who was the one who originally told me I would be one of the two leads. It's frustrating, not because I'm dying to be lead, but because I feel gipped. They told me I had the position and now I don't. GRRR! So again, I try to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. We are blessed regardless.

I haven't been doing nearly as many cakes, obviously, but I do have my first paid order this week. The woman to whom I gave the 4th of July cake has ordered an 8" round for a birthday and she's paying me $40. I'm a little nervous, but it should be a pretty easy cake to do. Chocolate with Mocha filling and covered with chocolate ganache. YUM!

A video of James and Gabby

I taped a brief video of my crazy monkeys this morning. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZzfU1WgMfM

Gabby's gymnastics

Gabby had her first gymnastics class last night. She seemed a little overwhelmed at first, but she loved it. Here are a few pictures of her as we headed out.

I made her leave her purse and bracelets in the car, which she was perfectly fine with. She just wanted to "look BEAUTIFUL" for her gymnastics :-).

Heading for the olympics!!!

Off we go!!!

Gabby got to do stretches, jump on a trampoline, swing on monkey bars, slide down a slide, jump on a hopscotch mat (that was REALLY funny to watch), do summersaults and a handstand. She was pretty tired by the end of the 50 minutes, but she wants to go back. One of the things I realized while I watched her from behind the glass window is that we are going to get a lot of report cards mentioning her "chattiness" once she hits the school system. She was so cute, chatting up a storm the whole time. I asked the instructor what she was talking about, and she said Gabby was just chatting about hopscotch and anything else, really :-). Teachers beware! Here comes our chatterbox.

A life full of changes

Our kids are growing up so fast! James started preschool yesterday. He was SOOO excited he could barely contain himself :-). His teacher got pretty freaked out when I explained the epi-pen and his allergies to her. I had told her about them twice before, but for some reason yesterday it scared her. Oh, well. The assistant seemed calm and cool about it. I've noticed that people tend to freak the most when I'm done explaining the epi-pen and then specify that they need to call 911 right after administering the epi-pen. I didn't used to clarify that point, until one of the childcare workers at the church told me that she would page me if she ever had to use the pen. Um, yeah, AFTER you call the paramedics, since he wouldn't be breathing!!! To be honest, the older he gets and the more social he gets, the more I start to worry about it. I have less and less control over his world (ok you guys with teens. You can stop laughing now.).

He loved his first day at school. He showed me who his new friend is (a boy this time. Yay!). He doesn't know his name though :-). They made a really cute sunflower out of a paper plate, construction paper and real sunflower seeds. He also worked on matching like pictures and using scissors. I think this preschool will be a great fit for him.

Gabby starts gymnastics on Monday. She can't wait! She's been showing me her tumbles around the house and she is certain that she is going to be in the olympics when she grows up. We were watching some gymnastics clips on YouTube since we don't have tv and she saw a picture of the women during the medal ceremony, holding their bouquets of flowers in the air. She informed me that "someday I'm going to have flowers like that!" :-). It reminded me of my brother Mark who was convinced after the 1992 olympics that he was going to be in the cycling olympics in 1996 :-).

Both kids are out of diapers now (YAY!!!!). Gabby is using up the last of her pull-ups simply because they are princess pull-ups and she likes them :-). We've been washing a lot more bedding, but not every night. It's definitely nice to have the extra grocery money.

As you all know, life is full of changes. I know I am always evaluating and re-evaluating my priorities and goals. Lately, Jason and I have been really focusing on getting our financial affairs in order and we decided that we would not return to Oregon until Winter 2009 because of the extra expense. This past month, however, as we've seen how much the children have changed and grown and have been reminded of the value of family and friends, we have modified our debt plan to include a trip to Oregon this winter. We are planning on coming up Tuesday December 9th to Friday December 12th. We will be driving up again, which means we have to come before January because of the pass conditions. My work doesn't allow us to take any time off in November and December, so we have to fit our trip in on my normal days off. My boss is willing to work with me a little, but I have to be back for my weekend shifts, hence the weekday trip. Another factor that affected our decision was James. He told me this week that what he wanted most for his birthday was to have his birthday party at Nana's house.

Well, I'd better go. I promised Jp I would read some of his book on the Solar System to him and I promised Gabby that we would make some Black Bottom Bites, so I'd better get moving. I can't wait to see you all soon!